this is my anthem, this is my song

Sara Groves- He's Always Been Faithful

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me.

I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me


And with that assurance,




I'll get through this week.

the colours are brighter and the air is sweeter taste

Feeling down constantly and giving in to fear just won't do!

So I'll try not to.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

I had a long but really fun day. Finally managed to visit soo aun kor at his office at time square, which is a music store called SMX. I tried the guitars there for a bit, and then he showed me some equipments around the store which were awesome! I even got to try this mini thing like a dj's and spun the disk to make the oh-so-famous scratching sound djs make haha. Went for lunch at Wendy's and it was really nice to catch up with him.

Then I went for slumdog millionaire with Joseph since he got off early that day. He's working in starbucks at time square by the way, and since I'm doing okay after drinking his handmade ice blended chocolate cream chip, it's a pretty good sign so guys, head on there!(free advertisement haha)

Okay, slumdog millionaire was really nice, cause it sort of depicts the reality that we choose to ignore. I don't summarise well so go watch it yourselves cause it's worth watching. Though at the end of the movie a bit potong la cause they just had to start dancing like some hindustan movie. Oh well, we gotta be true to ourselves right? Haha.

Whoops, don't worry, that's like right before the credits ady, I didn't say anything about the movie to spoil it for you- I hope;)

I'm having a really busy semester and it can only get busier, but I'll just elaborate on this in another post next time.

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
-Marcel Archard

Oh so true.

Thank you Dorcas for sharing this song, it speaks volumes to me, especially now.

I'm a Sanctus Real fan but never heard of this song. Not such a fan after all, I guess haha.

P/S: They were featured in a taylor's guitar magazine, the lead guy Matt Hammitt plays a taylor in the music video.

Sanctus Real - Whatever You're Doing

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...To...
(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out



Another long day tomorrow, have a great weekend everyone;)

so take me as you find me, all my fears and failures

There are times I feel like I've exhausted my source of people to share with. But in the end, I still feel the weight.

Some things, they have to be faced alone because that's just the way it is.

Ironic, to have so many friends, but to know that that specific thing tomorrow will bring has to be dealt with by myself. I really am trying with how I know best.

Sometimes,


I feel so alone.

maybe redemption has stories to tell

Self-pity is a really dangerous thing to fall into. We feel sorry for ourselves in a lot of circumstances. I'm not diminishing the fact that we may be victims in situations, but face it. Self-pity is not going to make it any better. In fact, it makes it worse.

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life.
-Oliver C. Wilson

Yes, life is unfair. So, what's new? It's life, and wallowing in self-pity doesn't help. It narrows our thinking, and makes bad situations look worse. Sometimes, we don't really have the whole picture but start being sorry for ourselves which deepens that misunderstanding.

Walking with Christ can warrant a lot of self-pity times. We sometimes get treated like crap by people whom we keep trying to be nice to. Jesus Himself was in many such situations. But He did not feel sorry for Himself, He focused on that greater purpose. No, we're not perfect, but we all gotta start somewhere.

There is only one way to end a self-pity cycle: stop comparing yourself to others, and simply follow Christ.
-Linda Harry

Everyone goes through it. We are not alone. Our greatest example led the way, we can only follow. And here's a painful truth, sometimes we ourselves are the problem. We keep blaming and pointing fingers not realising we are our own source of pain. Dag Hammarskjold put it best and I quote,

Is life so wretched? Isn't it rather your hands which are too small, your vision which is muddled? You are the one who must grow up.

Enough said?

I hope so. I really do.

you don't wear my chains

It's 2am and I'm still awake, not because I want to mess up my newly repaired biological clock again. I am facing a 5 day weekend(thursday to monday) cause thursday class starts next week and this semester I actually get fridays off!!

Naturally, since there is no class tomorrow, I can't bring myself to go to bed despite the fact that I have been feeling sleepy since this afternoon(new record). Only thing is, I just remembered though there's no class tomorrow I still have to go to uni to get some data entry done in the head of my faculty's(EEE) office with a few others. One of the perks of being a committee member. Not.

So like a true rebel(haha, far from it) I am defiant enough to post this post up before hitting the sack. I really hope I can wake tomorrow. Though I only gotta be there at 2, you probably know how our mind develops this thinking that if there is no class, you have the permission to feel sleepy and continue sleeping until mid afternoon.

I'm gonna go battle the bed bugs now.

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come

-If We Are The Body, Casting Crowns

leave out all the rest

If you just happened to have seen my facebook status, you would know that I bumped into Mr Wong Choong Hann. Okay, if you do not know who is Wong Choong Hann, please utilise google. He is only like a professional badminton player!

So when I say we 'bumped' into him, we didnt literally bump into him. Here's what happened. Today after class at 3 we were supposed to go to kamhing and hing's open room for cny la together. I had a meeting so weiwen waited for me, and then we met up with dom, steph and clarence at the sa(student association) building and together with hing we got into weiwen's car. In the time it took for everyone to get settled in, I just happened to glance outside the back windshield and saw this guy, a girl and an older man. The guy looked really familiar but I just let it go as another familiar looking guy I see around campus everyday. Then as the car started moving, steph screamed(and I mean screamed)

'IS THAT WONG CHOONG HANN??!!'

And at that moment the recognition came back and it clicked! And i was like 'Oh my goodness, yes! It's Wong Choong Hann!' We all swivelled around to get a better look, but the car was moving and they were further away already. So obviously we made weiwen(actually he was the only guy who was screaming along with us in the car) turn into the next intersection that leads into the resident halls where WCH was headed. In the car, there was chaos! Weiwen was obviously still shouting, clarence was asking who is wong choong hann(=.=) and steph and I were busy looking for paper and pen to get his autograph. Dom was unacceptably unfazed by this obviously major incident. Our bags were in the car, but hing whipped out his pencil case and er, PAR(personal academic records) form and gave them to us.

Not wasting any time, we jumped outta the car and ran towards him, still slightly hesitant. I mean we weren't completely sure it was him. But why take the risk right? So I just went up to him and er, asked him if he's visiting. Then I asked if we could have a picture with him. The moment he said 'Sure!', it was obvious we hadn't mistaken his identity. So i gave my phone to the older man(who happened to be his dad, not the tour guide which I initially thought!) who passed the phone to WCH's sister instead. We got into position, and then my battery became low and wouldnt take! Of all the times! And steph's phone was in her bag.

So I told steph to get his autograph first while I ran back to the car to call hing to bring his phone! All these in the pouring rain. But it was all worth it.


Hing didnt even notice WCH, but he actually noticed the sister. I wasn't noticing her, but apparently she was really pretty. Guys, right? Put WCH right in front of them, and they wouldn't notice(except weiwen haha) cause they're too busy staring at his sister.

Anyway, the exhilaration lasted in hing's room throughout the time we were there. And steph and I are pretty convinced that this is a sign that Jason Mraz is next on our list of 'bumping-intos'. And he might even give away his guitar.

I'll try to snap back to reality real soon to give y'all a real update.

i can't wait to wake up tomorrow and find out this promise is true

It's been the most awesome chinese new year so far, as far as I can remember. Why? Cause for the first time ever, we(my family and I) balik-ed kampung to KT(kuala terengganu not kajian tempatan) for cny! A lotta things happened so I think the best way is to do it one day at a time.

Day 1

We left in the wee hours of saturday morning, as in 5 am. I slept at 3.30am, woke at 4.30. You get the picture. This early departure(fuyoh) was to beat the traffic and to have one day to just go around. We were planning to stop by kuantan for brunch at a famous curry noodle store that we used to go to when we stayed in kuantan for about a year or so(when we were still kids). The curry noodles in this store has memories to me(though i obviously cant remember). When I was about 2, I somehow in someway took my mum's packet of boiling curry noodles and put it on my right foot. Big mess, long story short, it's scarred till today.

But I digress.

The shop was closed as we should have expected I guess. We(my dad haha) were hungry so we settled for mcdonalds', by teluk cempedak!(er, a beach heheh)

Inilah wajah budak-budak bangun pukul 4 pagi tak breakfast lagi

After breakfast, we walked along the beach and the bridge there to digest the breakfast so there'll be room for more at terengganu, which is the main attraction haha.

Parents at teluk cempedak(no, there werent any cempedaks there. Got mcD and kfc)

It took about 3 hours to reach kuantan. Moving on, it was gonna be another 3 hours to terengganu but I dont know what we did in the middle, we only reached KT at 3pm.

First things first, we had to check into our hotel. My dad booked 3 hotels, cause we dont know which is clean and stuff. So we stopped by the first one and my dad, mum, and hannah went in to survey the room. Dont know why bekah and I were asked to stay behind.

Making full use of the space to stretch- for a limited time only

The team came back and reported a failed cleanliness check so we headed for the second one, grand continental, where we stayed before so basically it was sort of settled that we're gonna stay there. Still, parents went in to check check first. Nope, no pictures this time haha.

After checking in, we wasted no time. Full of adrenaline and excitement, my parents started the tour for our benefit around KT(where my dad grew up, mum lived, and hannah and I were both born. Bekah 100% budak kajang haha) We were scouting for- what else- food! Dad was really excited to take us around a tour to gain weight, which I am sad to say, worked. We attacked the keropok lekor first, at the losong street which is like lined with keropok lekor stalls. It's crazy. Why dont we get these in selangor?

Looks can be deceiving haha

Of course, we(I) fell for the sales. You would too, trust me. At night, we went for dinner eating all the famous nasi(s) and then hannah went to shop for her birthday present from bekah. While they were trying on shoes, kamhing(my uni mate also from terengganu) came to meet up and say hi.

Day 2

Second day! Reunion dinner was at night and we were excited to meet with people who all share the yang surname. We've never experienced that. Usually we're the only yangs. But before that, there's another whole day in front of us so in the morning it was nasi minyak! Terengganu is famous for nasi dagang, nasi minyak and keropok lekor la to name a few. So that morning our dad brought us to have the famous nasi minyak john.

No, i'm not majoring in photography.

Then it was the famous batu burok beach. It's amazing.

Dad's guard objects.

We went to walk around chinatown to get something for hannah's kai ma(stepmum?).

Showing some love

I started out wanted to post in detail *semangat*, now malas ady haha. So after visiting her kai ma, we went sightseeing at some place I cant remember the name.

And THEN,(fuh) it was the famous pasar something something(also can't remember the name). Note that through all these we did considerable amounts of eating.

I have NO idea.

Finally, it was time to go back and freshen up for the reunion dinner! And the first thing we noticed when we got there was that there were four tables labelled 'Mr. Yang'. How cool is that?!

One part of our cousins haha. It's a pretty big extended family. A professional photographer actually took a picture of the whole family on the first day of cny. Hopefully we'll get it soon.

This is why I dont upload a lotta pictures to iring my blogging. Cause it messes up the layout everytime I upload a picture. Anyways, moving on moving on.

Day 3

First things first... breakfast! You get the picture now right? haha. This time it's nasi dagang.

Jalan Banggol was where my dad grew up so while waiting for our uncle to get the nasi dagang my dad walked around the place and met some people who remember him from when he was still a kid growing up!

This was before 9am! By 9.30, they were packing up to go home.

There was some time before we had to 'assemble' at our granduncle's house so my dad brought us to the beach again since we love it so much! Bekah decided to set a fashion statement.

Cheongsam at the beach

When we got there, my mum said dont get ourselves wet. Guess what was the first thing I did?

I got myself wet.

It's the waves I tell you.

She sells seashells by the seashore

Skip skip and then it was truly Chinese New Year time(aka angpau time!) We went, saw, and collected! Haha, it was really fun the cny atmosphere in the house. There were more nasi dagang and keropok lekor there. What else? Attack!

That's us and my grandaunt with my great grandma. She's a pretty awesome lady

We hung out, played with the kids, took pictures, and after the official photography session with the pro, a few of the families headed to my great grandma's sister's place. Hung out more, and then we went back to the hotel to get some rest. We met again for dinner at a japanese steamboat place. I have never felt fatter.

Day 4(LAST DAY!!)

It was pretty sad that we had to leave already. We really wanted to stay but there's family here that we gotta celebrate with as well. In the morning, we had breakfast with hannah's kai ma's family first, checked out the place again(the one that i dont know the name of) and then headed home.

Family pic(the crazy one). As you can see only the kids conceded



We were supposed to be jumping together.

On the way home we stopped at kemaman(which is still terengganu but 3 hours away from KT, and halfway home) cause my mum wanted to drink hai peng coffee which we didn't get to do on the way there cause it was packed. Well, it was still packed(haha) but we went anyway. I was(am) so addicted to the teh ping there I had two cups. Wanted more but didn't wanna risk having to go to the toilet in the middle of the highway. *sedih*

This is addictive stuff

Fed and watered, we journeyed home. Got stuck in a jam on the karak highway for about an hour! Got home at about 11pm. Missing terengganu and the people already, but no time to mope! It was hannah's 21st birthday an hour later. She spent the first few minutes of her birthday in the shower. What a way to start!

We 3 sisters learnt more hokkien in one trip than our lifetimes. They all speak hokkien. We even have an malay cousins(aunties i think but younger than us haha) who speak hokkien, english, mandarin and of course malay, fluently!

I'm so patience-less now after all the picture moving and layout arranging haha. Next update probably on hannah's birthday. Watch this space.

editted: i have no idea why the fonts are like this, and i've played around for quite some time but can't get them to synchronize.

You're everything good in my life

I find myself spouting words in no sensical order, trying but failing to string these words into sentences that properly phrase what my heart is beating. The feelings, desires, struggles all racing each other out, wanting you to know. Trying to make you understand me.

You already do.

no way to take it all back

SO. My finals are finally over, no lame pun intended. I've spent days dreaming in between tutorial questions, nights rolling about unable to drift off, all these sweet escapes, waiting for this day to come. So tell me why I don't feel that euphoric explosion I was confidently expecting, much less a relief from this tight constriction that seemed to have wedged itself somewhere in between my left ventricle and my aorta(read: biology) since this war began(while you're at it, look up exaggeration).

I'm sorry if those two don't correspond with each other, I spent biology classes with ever faithful friends at the backmost of the class sketching the teacher's face. Needless to say, our drawing skills didn't go much farther than that of biology. Trust me, that alone can fill blogs, NOT that it's necessary to publicise every classroom escapade.

Anyhow/hoo/way, this absence of anticipated joy has a reason behind it. The last paper was a tough cookie. Biscuit, cracker, whatever. Sorry for my sudden transformation into a bad quality thesaurus(transformers, clarence?) C programming has always been my weakest subject, one I wage war against, and today was no exception. Okay, to be fair, I could run a few programmes. But running them and getting them the way the questions wants it is different.

So after the paper, I wasn't really in any mood to celebrate. My classmates went jolly happy to KL, but I didn't feel like it. I had lunch with my friends from different engineering courses whose last paper is tomorrow, sadly. Haha, and with some secret concoction, they picked up my mood a little.

After two weeks of spending every single day except sunday here--->

Holed in from 10am till 5pm, one hour lunch break of course, suddenly you feel a little lightheaded. Not knowing where to go and what to do(but of course, this unacceptable feeling will only last for one day tops haha). Coming home, after dinner, there is no notes waiting to be carelessly flipped through, tutorials to be dutifully dreading, or past year papers that are one of those little accomplishments that give you the permission to feel like you've 'upgraded' and are almost ready for D-day. Only for a little while.

Hold your fire, I don't miss the exams you-gotta-be-chocolate-covered-nuts to miss em. It's the routine, yeah, that's it.

I will be going for my first dental appointment to tighten my braces since I put it on a month ago. Thinking of changing to red, cny ma. But I mean who gives up green for red? And what if I look like Edward Cullen after his meal?(No sirree, I didn't watch the movie or read the books but the hype surrounding it is enough for the katak hiding under the tempurung to know who Edward is. He is a vampire)

How now brown cow?

but you've already figured out

How is it that the equations that will be given I can't help remembering, but those that won't be I can't seem to remember? Too many concepts to master in too short a time. Why oh why did I never try when time was a luxury I could afford?
The lamentations of a typical student, or not.

I've only just realised the one thing that can keep putting on weight through vigorous exercise is my brain.

See y'all at the end of the tunnel.

so far, we are so close

Bing Bang Ding Dong BOOM!

and then it was 2009.

So, maybe not yet. But we're so close. What's another year? I guess it's another challenge. Another year of growing in our walk with Christ. And another year of just enjoying His working in our lives. Another year of trying to be that someone we wanna be so bad, but find it so hard to be. Christ-like.

Resolutions? I gave up on that, that's if I ever begun with it(Always centered around shedding pounds which never worked anyway). I find the best way for me to have resolutions is if I just do it you know? Drops the pressure a little.

If I'm gonna have one, the only one would be for me to just keep learning to live my life the way God wants me to. And that's pretty general so I guess it covers a broad spectrum which is just as well. And I'm sure it's one that's gonna keep me busy for the rest of the years God's gonna bless me with. Bits of these details? Those blogposts i try so hard to keep consistent over the year heheh.

I have so much to be thankful for, family I can count on, parents I can always look to as examples on how to live my life, friends who I am so blessed with, and most of all God's presence with me in every single moment I go through, good and bad. Truly, He is my closest friend. I am so blessed.

It's good to look how far He's brought us, not losing sight of what's ahead. I want to gain closure in this chapter of my life before a new one unfolds, but in the end, closure or not, I can rest assured He'll still take me through the next year.

You have made know to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.
Psalms 16:11

A hymn that echoes my heart's desire as 2009 approaches. I remember so well singing it when i was still a kid. Through the years, He's taught me the truth of these words. With God by my side, i say bring it on! haha

Another Year Is Dawning

Another year is dawning, dear Father, let it be
In working or in waiting, another year with Thee.
Another year of progress, another year of praise,
Another year of proving Thy presence all the days.

Another year of mercies, of faithfulness and grace,
Another year of gladness in the shining of Thy face;
Another year of leaning upon Thy loving breast;
Another year of trusting, of quiet, happy rest.

Another year of service, of witness for Thy love,
Another year of training for holier work above.
Another year is dawning, dear Father, let it be
On earth, or else in Heaven, another year for Thee.

Jesus, You are so, so good.

live the moment

Finally, finally, it's the end of the semesters and i get a break. A study break, but nevertheless. I have about two weeks to study for my finals in January, one that i'm pretty worried about because of some reasons that i will not go into.

Anyway, it's almost Christmas! So i'm gonna cut myself some slack and take a short(and i would like to think, well-earned) break before plunging into the study mode again. Just a short update. I don't have much to blog about now, pretty busy with plans before Christmas and everything. Did my Christmas shopping yesterday with Joseph and bought for everyone except my mum! I think she reads my blog sometimes so i wont go into details on why and what i plan to do and stuff just in case:)

I have something to tell y'all but i'll keep it for another day haha. Adios!

Once in a lifetime means there's no second chance

Random. I actually played pin the donkey's tail at some shopping mall when i was a kid. And I actually managed to get it right and won a piggy bank. Only, mine wasn't a pig. It's a poor man who got his head slit open so kids like me are encouraged to save money. I have him up till today. I just don't use him anymore.

It's funny, when on the rare occasions today people mention pin the donkey's tail, I feel pretty ancient though i grant you that the game probably existed long before I did. It's not hard to win, really. You just gotta get a rough idea of the donkey's tail's position before they blindfold you. I think this sort of game was created to boost children's confidence, if not just to make them happy.

End of random post.

I can't wait for this week to end. But life goes on regardless, right? People still need Jesus when I'm trying to finish assignment after assignment

let my walk speak loud

It is not easy to live what you believe. It's harder standing up for it. It's so difficult to be different, sometimes even among those of the same faith.

I am so tired.

because this moment's really all we have

So here's the deal. I was chatting with weiwen online and he was just telling me how he's preparing for his presentation, and we were just talking bout the hectic-ness of uni life. Then somehow we(I) got to the topic of me being fat and weiwen being weiwen starts rebutting all my points. Here's the gist of part of our conversation:

me: i am fat and that's a fact face it.
weiwen: no, you're not fat. anyway being thin is not that good also.
me: then? average right
weiwen: you are optimum
me: ??
weiwen: din't you learn bio? optimum=just nice.
me: i told you i almost always failed bio.
weiwen: if you want to know whether you are fat, go and look in the mirror and check if you're fat or not.
me: go to sleep tonight assured in the knowledge that i am fat.
weiwen: in the end, u are taking the whole journey back to the initial point.

If you noticed, weiwen tends to use a lot of, er, technical terms in his conversation i.e. optimum, initial point. No, i did not start because i wanted to feel good and have someone say i'm not fat. Weiwen is like a person you talk to at a pillow party.(one reason why i miss having him in my classes) I just tell him and enjoy the conversation that ensues because he's a guy and he makes me laugh. No, i do not have a crush on him haha.

Anyway, you all have a good weekend.

Your grace is enough for me

I didn't have classes today(only today) and so a battle ensued within me. Either i go to uni to get some questions answered by my lecturer(and celebrate kamhing's birthday) or i sleep in. I haven't had a chance to sleep in since forever, and by sleep in i mean 10am not 4pm yes i know, the world is changing. First obama, now me. I keep telling myself you're gonna get to sleep in for 4 months next summer just keep at it now!

See, being a barely average student, who gets good grades by God's grace alone, and by alone i mean alone alone, (which when i come to my senses and think about it, is actually the best thing to be proud about) i struggle a lot to keep up, and it doesn't help that i'm lazy. I think i've stressed enough in my previous post(s) about this attribute that i'm not proud of.

I am experiencing in a whole different way what it means when God said His power is made perfect in my weakness (2Cor 12:9). It doesn't mean when i don't feel weak his power is limited. It's just that when i realise how powerless i am, i begin to realise just how great He is. I fully rely on Him. When i think i have something to boast about, i take a lot of the glory unconsciously(excuses). But when i feel helpless i realise it's all Him, it was never me. My pride takes a hike, and i admit my limitations to embrace His sufficiency.

What's on my mind? Work, report, study, coursework, assignment, projects, tests and what not. I am stressed out, worried and everything a typical student is when all the work pile up. Inferiority rears its ugly head out sometimes and makes things worse. But somehow when i so desperately seek some sort of comfort, Jesus gives this peace which transcends all understanding.

His grace is enough.

you count it strange, so once did I

I love public transport. I love ktm. I mean how can you not love it right? The crowd, the shoving, the delays(hint: sarcasm)

So i took the ktm with hannah today to go to church for sketch practice. When i got into the train, somehow i got stuck in a spot where i couldnt move anywhere else. And beside me was this man around 50 who was sweating like no one's business which is perfectly fine i mean everyone sweats. The problem i have is that he just had to stand in the arms-raised-armpits-at-my-face position. I know it was a saturday morning and everything but the train wasnt that packed. In fact, by usual ktm standard, it was perfectly comfortable.

He couldve stood in a less smelly position or at least move his armpits somewhere where there wasnt anyone's face in the way inhaling his stink. That guy has major B.O. issues and don't get me started on how he was so annoying he had to move forward when i did to get some fresh(er) air, and move backward when i did to avoid him again, all the while spreading his offensive smell. I could not breathe, i am serious. So it's like i take one breath and try to make it last as long as possible before taking another.

So you can imagine my relief and desperate air-gasping when he went down at the next station. To avoid another such incident, i moved in a little towards a pole. Another mistake. There was this guy and his girlfriend holding the same pole which is great cause that pole is meant to be shared. Well, obviously that guy assumed he bought over the whole pole(which i dont think so because i didnt see no legal documents to prove that) cause he was leaning on the whole thing. So basically, he was leaning on my hand. I mean, honestly! I thought okay, maybe he didnt realise he was doing that so i moved my hand elsewhere. Still he comfortably rested his back on my hand.

At this time i was getting really annoyed. I mean this and Mr. Perfume and i haven't even had my breakfast! So i pushed him a little with my hand that he was resting on. And would you believe the guy had the nerve to just ignore it and continue leaning while trying to impress his girlfriend? Trust me, the temptation to say "Hello? Ini tangan saya kamu sandar tau?" was so overwhelming or perhaps just a slap in his face would suffice. But i just relented in the end and stood in a very awkward position until the next station which was our stop. Thank God for that.

Of course there was this guy whom hannah stood in front of who was happily picking his nose with such into-ness and then played with the result of his picking before throwing it away. And the people who just have to push their way through the packed staircase just to get one step ahead of you. Yeah sure, that makes a lotta difference. Did i mention the time when i was trying to get into a sardine can of a ktm and this girl behind me hooked(yes, hooked!) her fingers into the back pocket of my jeans just so she can get into the train?

One day on a 15 minute ktm ride was all i needed to get the worst impression of Malaysians. Where do they learn their manners, if they do learn any at all? Of course, it could've all been an illusion because i only took half an apple for breakfast. What a hope.

anything worth saying

it's been awhile since i last blogged, that blogger is no longer part of my webpage history. I guess you can say i've been having blogger's block. I still am actually, so why am i blogging now? Aside from the fact that i believe my blog is screaming for an update(or not), i am absolutely struggling to keep awake right now. Why blog? Well, it's between doing pre-lab and blogging so like a model student i chose blogging.

You're probably thinking well if you're sleepy go to sleep! Let me explain my predicament. It's 5.30pm on a saturday afternoon. We(me and my family) just came back from church after a whole day of shifting so naturally we are tired. And I went to sleep at 4am yesterday, getting only 3 hours worth of not-so-beauty sleep. Why did i go to bed so late? Cause i took a 6 hour nap on friday afternoon. Which brings me back to the point of why i am abstaining from taking a nap now, because i believe if i do, i will probably go to sleep in the wee hours of the morning again which is not the wisest thing to do when the next day is sunday.

Hence, the blogpost.

Everyone's supposed to take a nap before we go out to dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday. His birthday is on monday, and my hardcore party mum(haha, not really) plans to have a 3 day celebration and got my dad to take monday off since he's hitting the big five-oh this year. But obviously, after a big day of shifting, we're all not in the mood to go far so now we're thinking of someplace nice and near. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing more rewarding than serving God in any way(while shedding some nanopounds along the way of course).

We're planning to go watch the musical Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Footstool Players at pj with friends from church tomorrow night, and since my lab is on monday, and i would be out all day tomorrow, guess i should really get down to doing that pre-lab now.

oh procrastination is such a sweet escape.

You make it easier when life gets hard

This is what a 4 months break does to you. It makes you even lazier than you were before.(if you really knew me, you would agree that this is humanly impossible, but unfortunately, at my cost, i have found out that it is possible) I am just not ready to be thrown into the whole busy routine of a student life again. The tutorials, assignments, lab reports and even the effort of trying to decipher what they're teaching us in lectures seems unappealing at this moment.

I know i've had 1 week of class before this raya break, and to be honest i kept telling myself it all begins after this week so the first week kinda didn't count. It's well into sunday now, and i'm dreading the fact that i have to wake up at 7 am.

Yes, i know i have it easy, you should see how they work their students up in UTAR(i would know, my sister goes there). Still, this is my blog, and i can vent all the spoilt content of me that i want and you can't say anything about it. Well, not to my face anyway.

A lot of things have been going on in my life(haven't we all). Friends say i'm always busy, i say that's called having a life! Kidding of course, i'm trying very hard to make time for friends i haven't met in a long time. I'm confused a lot(i'm 19 so i figure it's pretty normal? or should i say i'm a Christian, i figure it's pretty normal?) but i think through my confusions God is teaching me a whole lot, patience most of all. That some things are solved by mere patience. The urge to rush things towards their proposed solution normally hits a wall. No need for all that detailed troubleshooting. But of course. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

...God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalms 73:26

and my eyes they look unto You always

Is there a standard I must live up to? Is there a certain way I must bring myself just because I have the years? Shouldn't it come naturally then? Why am I trying so hard? Why is it even bothering me so much? If I've got it all wrong, will I know? Am I causing them to stumble when I become confused? James said ask for wisdom and it will be given me. Goodness knows i can't differentiate between wisdom and instinct right now.

Argh.