season by season i watch Him amazed, in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

It was late evening when she killed the engine and stepped out into the slight drizzle. Running across the street towards the sheltered area, she started to climb the familiar staircase that she usually frequents every month or so. Coming to a halt at the locked doors, the scene that met her eyes was that which was slightly out of the ordinary. However, since it was the weekend, the crowd was nothing she did not expect. As the owner lets her in, she is told that she has to wait for two more customers to be done before her turn came. Resigned to the fact that waiting is part of getting her hair cut during the weekend, she settled down on a chair, pulled out her phone and logged onto Facebook. After replying to some notifications, she logged out, put her phone away, and just sat and observed the conversations ensuing between the owner and the customers, allowing herself to just relax comfortably after a fun but tiring day.

As the owner ushers one customer into another room to have his hair washed, she was left alone in the vicinity with another stranger who was getting her hair dyed. As she picked up a comic book and pretended to flip through it, not understanding a single Chinese character printed all over the pages, she suddenly heard someone call her name. Looking up, she realized the stranger was addressing her. The momentary feeling of surprise was dwarfed by the activity that started going on in her head, despite keeping a calm façade and answering politely. In her mind, she snapped a mental image of the stranger and started running it through the database of her acquaintances, desperately trying to find a match. This desperation was peaked when in the ensuing conversation going on outside her mind, the stranger revealed to know a lot about herself and her family. It did not help that this stranger was having her hair dyed and had it bunched up in a peculiar (if not humorous) way and was also wrapped in the usual hair salon protection sheet, watering down any trace of familiarity at all.

After awhile, it was as if her mind beeped and said “No match found”. Giving up trying to identify the stranger, she continued the conversation with good grace, taking down some features of the lady, making a mental note to describe the stranger to her mum later, at the same time doubting she would ever find out who this stranger was.

Fast forward, a few minutes later, the owner comes back out, expressed surprise at the unexpected acquaintance and thankfully, as the owner continued talking, reveals the name of the stranger. The name rang no bells, but it would be sufficient for her mother to identify later she was sure. She silently uttered a word of thanks to God that the owner liked to talk.

Conclusion: Apparently it is not as hard as it may seem to be, to hold a conversation with a person whom you consider a stranger, but does not consider you so, and yet make yourself appear to know perfectly well who that person is. The trick is to just answer their questions obediently and occasionally ask about their general well-being. Do not ask about their family as you do not know who they are and may make a costly blunder. Of course, it may very well be that the stranger identified your ignorance, but was gracious enough to play along. I sure hope that wasn’t the case.

....................................................................................................................................................

I can't believe it has already been more than a year since i posted on this blog! My brain feels saturated working on drives and motors right now, so i grabbed at the first non-technical escape i could think of.


Yes, Facebook is banned at work.

as i walk from earth into eternity

Wanted to share something that I learnt in bible study training on Tuesday, that I found really interesting. We were learning about how to study the Bible more effectively, and one of the ways is to examine the culture of those times in the Bible to better understand the context of a passage or verse. During the time when Jesus was on earth, it was normal for people to go to toilets which were probably just a bush, and do their business. Then they would wash with water by themselves, not wipe because they didn’t have toilet paper. So that was a bit of a hassle. So the slaves thought of a way to make money, where they put a wet sponge at the end of a stick, sit behind everyone, and wipe for everybody. They would dip the sponge into water and wipe it. So obviously there was a problem of it being not hygienic because they were using the same sponge to wipe for everybody, because sponges were expensive, and people started getting sick and stuff. So then they put the sponge vinegar instead which helps kill bacteria and make it more hygienic. You probably already see where I am going.

When Jesus was on the cross, about to die, he said he was thirsty, and a roman guard dipped a sponge into vinegar and used a stick to feed Jesus. I always wondered (I guess never to a very curious extent cause I never bothered to find out) why the guards who mocked him all the way, tortured and hit him, would even bother to answer Jesus’ request for water. That was a little too nice. Well, they weren’t being nice. They took what people used to wipe others’ behind and put it to Jesus’ mouth. That was a total mockery of Jesus.

So yeah. Well, i am almost done with my orientation with Disney, i hope i can officially start work (or training) soon, should start by monday. Missed out on evangelism on wednesday because of orientation, they went to a mall. But i signed up for mercy ministry on saturday morning, where if there's opportunity groups of about 20 people will go and serve the community. I am not sure where we are going, i can't remember.

For social night on wednesday, we had a hoedown. So everyone dressed up really southern, played games, had baking and chilly cookout contest and danced to country music. I am going to the disney water park later, i don't know why but for water park we only get free entry until end of this week.

Thank you for praying for me. I feel like this is a great opportunity if anything, for me to grow deeper in my walk with Christ. So whatever comes, i am not gonna waste the chance to grow in my relationship with Jesus, and just build relationships with God's people, and serve in whatever way i can. I do miss home, and am excited that i can experience this but at the same time be able to go home not long after. Only thing i am not looking forward to is the heat at home. It is hot here, but it's just not as burning and sweaty like back in Malaysia (though the americans would beg to differ haha) and the whole room is air conditioned 24/7. My roommate said to go about in jeans and sweatshirts during the last week here to get used to the heat haha

Kau yang terindah, di dalam hidup ini

Woohoo!! It's been awhile.. haven't had time to go and get internet. So i had my orientation at disney and it's called traditions. Basically, we sit in a classroom from 8am- 5pm and they teach us about disney history and tell us how to be happy as disney workers, and how we must always keep the magic alive. The goal is to create happiness with entertainment for people of all ages. It wasn't as boring as i thought it would be. Halfway we spent about an hour going to magic kingdom (one of the disney parks, the most famous one) finding examples of work ethics. It was hot, but i saw the cinderella castle for the first time, it looked amazing! it was like seeing something on tv come to life!

They gave out little disney figurines if you participate in class. I got mickey and minnie. Mickey mouse came halfway to our class for about 5 minutes, and he handed me one figurine when i answered a question, and he hugged me. Everything was complete. Kidding haha. But it was pretty cool. We got out ID, meaning this whole summer we can go into any of the disney parks for free! So obviously we wanted to go immediately. the 11 of us went back, took a short nap and went to Magic Kingdom at 7.30pm. Let's just say it was GREAT!! I really felt like a kid, and i had so much fun! We took only about 3 rides, cause it closes at 11. We went on the space mountain, which was like a roller coaster in the dark. It was fun, but i kinda felt a little scared halfway cause it was so dark and you're just rolling about, i kept telling myself maurice is in front, maurice is in front haha. If you would talk to my sister hannah, you would know just how much i am afraid of wild rides.

Then we went for speedway which after space mountain was kinda mild, just driving a bit. Then we watched the fireworks display over the castle which shows every night. It was a.ma.zing. Just like in those disney cartoons, when at the end there's fireworks. It was for more than like 5 minutes, i tried to video, but in the end i just watched it and savoured it. It really really was beautiful, and i figure expensive too. Then we went for a final ride, just about 10 minutes before they closed, the splash mountain, and we all got wet but it was really good. After a whole day of traditions, we were beat. So we headed back, but got a little glimpse of the parade which runs every night too. It was great.

The official schedule started yesterday, we have this slot on Wednesday afternoons where we go out to public places to evangelise, but what sucks is this week I got orientation on Wednesday, usually we have no work but this week we gotta go for orientation. I was really looking forward to it. Oh well. We went to River of Life church, the whole project go to 3 different churches. We go with our teams. It was quite the same as back home.

I’ve been learning a new method of studying verses from the Bible, and I find it pretty thorough and effective. Been having a good time getting in the word each day.

I fried egg for the first time today. I wanted to make a normal sunny side up egg, but it failed so I just scrambled it but it came out weird too haha. Apparently you need oil to fry your egg, yeah I just fried it like that. Oh well, good first time =p Okay, that’s it for today. Don’t wanna have information overload right. Be back!

i close my eyes and i see your face

Hello! If you’re wondering why I’m so free to update my blog, it’s cause I haven’t started my work yet. I start on Saturday. Yesterday, the 11 of us who are going to work at Disney (great opportunity, cause there are 100+ students and all the others work at seaworld and universal studios which is just as cool la) went to Downtown Disney for a work interview where we basically just filled forms and got told where we’re working in Disney. I haven’t got it all worked out yet, but what I know is Disneyworld has parks all over Orlando, not just one specific place. Downtown Disney is like a place where people can go in for free to walk and buy Disney stuff, and we went to the casting office, that’s what it’s called. That place itself is so cool! Everything has a Disney feel to it. And we even got this Disney folder with all our booklets and pamphlets about the job.

We’re divided into 3 groups, with each having a group leader with a car. We all work with food. My group works at Everything Pop, don’t ask me what is it, I just know it has something to do with Pop Century. Apparently we serve food that is classier than hamburgers and fries. We don’t get free food though, but there is gonna be a staff cafeteria or we can pack food. The other 2 groups work at All Star, and Caribbean Resort or something. I think none of us are at any of the parks, more like at the hotel area. But we can go into the parks for free on our days off, and each time we go in, we can take 3 friends. We can go in 6 times over the summer! Working hours are 3pm-12am everyday except Wednesdays and Sundays, cause Sunday we go to church, and on Wednesdays I think the schedule for the project is full. I don’t have the full schedule yet. Oh and here they refer to it as ‘the project’, like some covert government secret operation haha.

I guess cause it’s the Summer Orlando Project. A lotta people are on their 2^nd/3^rd project, it’s a yearly thing. If you’ve been twice, you have a chance of going to Malaysia for the summer trip. There are a few teams in Malaysia now, and it think Connexion Semenyih or Uncle Rodney is hosting some of them. They will be back here before we leave, so we can meet them later in the project.

I am free till Saturday when my job orientation starts. I am trying to wake at 7am while i can to skype with my sisters and mum. Tex Mex is not open yet, but i just sit outside and use the internet haha. I am still quite amazed by the fact that i am in the United States, that everything around me is so new and interesting, hence the truckload of pictures.

Today, after skyping, i spent some time 'getting in the Word' beside the pool with Billie (the girl from malaysia with me) and her roommate Lauren. Found out today 'get in the Word' is a slang they use in the project. No wonder everyone has been using that on me, although it's not hard to understand i wondered if it was a usual US slang. After studying Galatians 5:1 (which is the theme verse for this project), lauren and billie planned to go to walmart so i joined them. It was really exciting, i mean cmon it's walmart, we've grown up hearing about that right? haha, i went crazy snapping pictures, it looked just like a huge tesco, but there are some interesting stuff in there. The best part was i found twinkies and ding dongs which i always read about in books and see on tv.

Everything was so cheap and unique to me, i just wanted to get everything! But i practiced self restraint, i'll spend when we travel haha. I bought a bottle and some bowls. It only cost me less than 3 dollars. The other day on the way to the security office, we passed by a nike clearance store about 10 minutes from the hotel. Clearly i'm going to have some issues with self control long before my travelling haha.

After walmart, my roommates were back from seaworld for their orientation. They were having lunch in the kitchen, so i ate my mamee instant noodles with them and just hung out. Usually everyone makes their own meals, sometimes they drive out. What's weird for me is i am not used to this kinda independent living, but i guess it's good for me haha. I chatted with my roommate hannah (my roommates are hannah, rachel, amber and aly) for awhile after that, then they went down to the pool to sunbathe and read. So here i am in tex mex again with billie, updating on the net, and maurice just joined us. Every wednesday nights are social nights, they have parties. Tonight it's by the pool. Another thing is all of them love dancing, so that's gonna be awkward.. we'll see haha

p/s: sorry, i messed up the fonts!

believe me i won't stop at nothing

Hello from Orlando!

WOW! It's been such a trip.. Let me try to recall the last 40 hours or so. So we reached Singapore from Malaysia around 11.45pm on Sunday. Hung out for the next 6 hours, didn't sleep. Could not sleep actually. Explored Changi airport a little before the shops closed up. Took loads of pictures. Trying to upload pictures to facebook now, will caption them accordingly. It's too much to upload them here, we are at a restaurant called Tex Mex near the hotel to use the internet.

Anyway, after Singapore, we flew to Chicago, with about 2 hours transit at Hong Kong in between. It took about 4 hours to get to Hong Kong, and then another 14 hours to Chicago. It was quite a torturous ride the first half of it, cause i had a bad case of flu and my flu meds were in my luggage. But there was a nice stewardess to Hong Kong, she kept giving me hot water, and asam cause she said it's good for my throat haha.

At Chicago, our supposedly 4 hour transit became 8 hours.. Our flight got delayed, it was so tiring, and there was no free wifi in the entire airport. So we just curled on the benches and slept. It seems we keep sleeping but still feel so tired. We reached orlando around 1 am US time, 1 pm Malaysian time tuesday. There were about 10 people picking us from the airport, they were really nice and welcoming. When we got back and got ourselves registered it was already almost 4 am. I wanted to take a shower, and it took me about 15 minutes to figure out how to switch on the shower. Everyone was sleeping and i didn't wanna wake them.. I slept on the couch for about half and hour after that. The room was so cold, and my 4 roommates were sleeping without blankets and with shorts. After that i couldnt sleep anymore, so i got up went downstairs and went online. Skyped with my mum hannah and bekah for awhile, felt a little homesick, but thank God for friends who are here with me.

The students here are all really friendly, i guess it's just the sudden change of seeing all americans around me. They love sunbathing at the pool. We stand under the shade for about 2 minutes and already feel like we can't take the heat haha. I can't wait to start working at disneyworld. We start working on saturday. Went to get our social security number done today. Going to disney for an interview in about an hour. There's so much about the project schedule i wanna share, it seems really interesting, but i will find our more, get more familiarised and blog more.

Thanks for the prayers!

for once i can touch what my heart used to dream of

In church yesterday, i met uncle tan's 5 year old son for the first time. I had a conversation, if you can call it that, with him. It was something like this.

me: hi, what's your name?

boy: timothy.

me: nice name! so is your nickname tim or timmy?

[pause]

boy: timothy.

Haha. He has a real patriotic craze for our badminton squad. If you ask him who won the semi-finals match between china and malaysia in thomas cup, he will say malaysia. And he has this contagious childlike faith and enthusiasm that malaysia will win. Childlike faith in Christ, something we often forget how to have as we mature and grow don't you think? ;)

though hope is frail, it's hard to kill

Exam week! These are truly the weeks where regret is the blood that runs in your veins. Haha, one week and two papers down, one more to go next week. I have a story to tell, so i thought it was the perfect way to keep my blog updated!

So here's what happened. I was at church after worship team fellowship last saturday, and hannah had worship practice after that, so i hung out and did past years for my paper on monday which was electronics. The first question was a short theoretical question which i could answer, so i proceeded to the second question. Note, i was still only in section A of the paper, which is usually the 'easier' section.

The problem was, i had no idea how to even start the question! The configuration was almost like the one i studied, and it was so stressful and nerve wrecking because i thought i had finished studying and doing the problem sheets, and can practice past years, but i could not do the question at all and had no idea whatsoever. I flipped the paper, and all the questions looked so hard. I was already feeling panicky at this moment, stressed and very worried for my paper which was in 2 days. So i texted dinesh to ask for help, and he said he did not come across such a question. I texted the question number, paper name, year and code to him. It took him a considerable time to reply and in the state i was in, it felt like forever. Then when his reply finally came, it was to say-

"Ms. Yang, that is a third year module. Our module is called electronic engineering and the code is ELD not END!"

I am in second year. PHEW! I know it displays a certain amount of ignorance and stupidity on my part, but i had no other reaction at that moment than RELIEF! I laughed and proceeded to find the correct paper. As for the real paper on the real day itself, it was a real blow to me because i knew how to answer the questions but my mind was just stuck. Nothing would come out, and i would just stare, pen poised and ready to write, but not moving. There were some near breakdown moments in the middle of the paper where i had to catch a couple of breaths, pray, and just tell myself to do my best. I felt so down after, but i am over it, i'm just gonna leave the rest to the Lord :)

The week has been alright as a whole. On monday before the electronics paper, an hour before exams, in the computer lab, i found sandesh playing football with chickens (??) on miniclip (he's always playing games before exams to destress) and wenshan eating his brunch and doing some last minute studying.

On tuesday, hiewmun (mechanical engineering), wenshan, kengmun and i found a quiet empty room in another building to study for our maths paper on wednesday, and hiewmun for her paper on saturday. The library is always over populated and noisy during exams.

Very friendly mafias

Maths was on wednesday, 2pm. At 12pm, through a series of calls and smses, we decided to watch robin hood after the paper. We brought along the two red sweaters, kengmun lending his to me, cause i forgot to bring mine, and everytime the place nottingham was mentioned in the movie, we felt inclined to stand and parade the sweater just because haha.

The sky at putrajaya, a nice divide

As weiwen would always say- one for the album! :) (that's woan wei- pronounced 1 way, and dinesh at the back with wenshan, by the way)

I got my electric drums! I forgot to upload that, will do another time, lazy to upload haha. It has been a great source of distraction + stress relieving tool. I am enjoying it so much! Wenshan dropped by on his way back to melaka today and we finally jammed. He refuses to admit it, but he is good on the guitar, piano and drums!

Looks like this is a longer update than i had intended it to be. Ok, back to studying!

P/S: There was a double rainbow on sunday, it looked really beautiful. This was the nicest picture i could take, sorry.

everyday is another good reason

Wowowow! (as in, 3 wows, not a dog barking haha). That's probably how i would sum the period between the last post and this new one. It's been so long, that every time i think about updating, i just get stuck cause i don't know what or how to write anymore.

So, update! Hmm, i am almost at the end of my study break (oohh, no wonder i am subconsciously updating, to escape!) This means by the end of May, i will have officially finished the 2nd year of my degree, by God's grace. Gone were the days where people always asked me- how come it seems like you're forever in foundation? I wish they'd ask me again now haha.

Also, at the end of May, i will be going to the US for a summer orlando program by Campus Outreach! (http://www.coflorida.org/calendar.asp?action=closeup&ID=101947) It's pretty exciting, the program will be for 2 months, then hopefully we can do some travelling after that. I will be going with 4 guys from my university, and one girl from university malaya.

I have been craving for food a lot these days. Each time it's something new, but it only lasts as long as i take to get it. Like the other day, before i went to sleep, i was just talking to a friend and he told me about his sister baking chocolate cake. I craved for chocolate cake all night, until 6am, before i fell asleep. Then there were waffles, bananas.. all the funny stuff. I'm gonna work on my self control. It's all in the mind.. mind over matter right? Haha.

We should note that at this point after the 4 short paragraphs, my brain feels saturated already. So let me get a hang of this again, and i will be back with more. Hopefully the next one won't be when i am already in the US, from where also i hope to update through this blog more often!

Sorry for the pathetic update, i think peanut butter waffles are the best!

twice as much ain't twice as good

I don't know if you've watched the latest hit tv series, Glee. I stopped watching halfway into episode 6 or 7 cause i found it kind of boring, no offence to Glee fans out there ;) Anyway, in one of the earlier episodes, there was this quote that said

"The only life worth living is one that you are passionate about"

And recently, just when i needed it the most, a good friend reminded me of the same thing which really helped me put everything back into perspective again.

I've got a passion for engineering, i've got a passion for sports, i've got a passion for music, i've got a passion for people...

but-

Studies get tough and i feel like i'm not good enough, even when i try so hard.

I've got a permanent knee injury which really limits me when i am playing sports.

My musical ability falls very short of greater talents whom i admire.

People around me are different in characters and personality, and may sometimes be discouraging, just as i may be to people around me too.

A lot of times, these kind of things can cause our passion to become so technical and competitive, that we forget the very reason we did it in the first place - because of the passion. We forget our love for it. It doesn't really matter how good i am at it, as long as i have given my best. I am doing it because i love it, i am giving my best because i enjoy it. Anything else is secondary, if not totally negligible.

Above everything, i have a passion for Jesus. I make mistakes in my walk with Him, stumble, even fall down. But by God's grace, i recover, having grown as a person, and with my passion for Him still intact. I may not be the best Christian ever, but as long as i give my best, God looks at my heart. He looks at our hearts. And at the end of the day, when all is said and done, that's all that matters.

It's definitely a life worth living.

we could make a feast from these crumbs

Hello hey hi! I was debating between updating and writing a farewell post for Rachel Cha who just left for australia and who happens to be a really close friend. But i decided against the farewell post, at least not yet, since we managed to hold back all tears at the airport with much treasured laughter, it's better to keep the tears away till we are more accustomed to the distance haha.

So, i really do not know how to update from where i left it, so i'll just put random thoughts in points.

• I appreciate time so much more during exam period. I am more sensitive towards how i spend my time. Example, i'm turning in bed unable to sleep and i think, "Man, i could be studying right now, what a waste of time!." Earlier, i was watching tv for 3 hours straight, but no, of course not, watching tv is not a waste of time at all!

• The only good thing about exams is when i'm stressed, i don't have much of an appetite. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said now that exams are over.

• Sherlock Holmes has got to be one of my favourite movies ever (and no, i don't have 200 favourite movies) I wish they made more witty intelligent hilarious movies like that.

• Exams make me overreact. When i break my guitar strings during exam season, i'm like oh no, now i can't play i'm gonna die of stress! On a usual day if i break it, i'll just read a book or watch tv instead. Can always get a new set of strings the next day.

• A friend reminded me of this: ikut resmi padi, semakin berisi, semakin tunduk :)

• I think messy rooms actually LOOK nicer, different people have different opinions, shouldn't we respect that? hehe

• Sometimes in the morning, my mum comes into my room, lifts the pillow that covers my face, and tries to hold a conversation with me about what i wanna have for lunch, what time i'm gonna wake up, am i going to uni to study, what bus i'm gonna take today etc (exam season, on days with classes she knows my schedule la haha), and then drops the pillow again. Needless to say the conversation is short, and the response very limited.

• I broke both my sling bags, and rediscovered the joy of using a backpack. It's a miracle how what feels like a 5kg load in a sling bag feels like 1kg in a backpack. Ok so maybe it has something to do with even distribution of weight, but it rocks nevertheless!

• I realised even when i'm crossing a one way street, i still have to look left and right, then i feel stupid when i cross, but i think it's for good measure haha

• As we grow, we have to accept that people change. It doesn't have to be for the better or for the worse, they just change. People drift apart because of these changes whether you like it or not, life goes on.

I've run out of thoughts, so till next post, take care people :)

one step in front of the other

I am backkk!! Even I myself don't remember when was the last time i updated cause the date doesn't show haha, i think need to make amendments to the template codes.

You know sometimes in life things happen that make you realise, there are more important things in life than what i am so occupied with now. You just need to look around to see that there are bigger things happening than, say, exams (*cough*cough* haha) or troubled relationships that take up all your time and energy. But give it a week, a month maximum, and we fall back into the same little hole we came out of for a little while.

Anyway, i am not trying to be philosophically cliche or anything, i just really love how the writer of this poem summarizes life, i love the meaning in his lines, so simply put, but speaks the deepest desires of our hearts so beautifully. I will be back for some updates on what's going on, but in the mean time, enjoy :)

“Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call, I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

C.T. Studd

because You live, my world has everything i need to survive

Hello hello dirty fellows!

Let's get down to it. I had a pretty bad week in so many sense, and i was pretty glad when it was the weekend. But in everything, the joy of the Lord is my strength!

I got this email once from my aunt (her emails are probably the few worth opening) and it was an article written by rick warren and it talks about something like this. Life is going to be a series of problems. It's either we're in one now, we've just gone through one, or we're going to go through one. And it says this:

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on, and no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

If we spend all our time focusing on our problems, it only gets worse and we fall into self-centredness and self pity. The best way to get out of it, is to shift our focus onto God and others instead of ourselves.

In the email, it also reminded me this. God is more interested in my character than my comfort. Since i know that, i'm not going to waste precious time trying to get comfortable. I'm going to use the time to work on my character, to aim towards Christ-likeness.

Okay, enough self pep talk! Time to bring it out to practice into real life! Being positive is really tough, cause we always feel like we want to be negative 'just in case', so we have something to fall back on. Like it's wrong to be positive after all we've been through, perhaps it doesn't get us the sympathy we want from people. But we just gotta draw strength from God, not ourselves, and fight on.

Have a blessed week everyone! The joy of the Lord is our strength :)

in the wires that decide

Hello! Okay, so i cannot help blogging about this cool thing i experienced this week. (besides the movie surrogate, tgv popcorn, and a slightly slower paced maths lecture yay!)

A few of my uni friends and I decided to go to this research and invention exposition at Kuala Lumpur Convention Center last Thursday cause there wasn't any class in the afternoon yet. Of course on the way, we caved in to Bruce Willis' new movie Surrogate + TGV popcorn (always the best choice!). This exposition features booths of Malaysia's higher institutes of learning's new inventions and research. It was really cool to see some creative inventions and for an hour or so i felt this awesome-nerdish feeling.

Well, let's keep this as short as possible. The main part is, there was this booth where the invention seemed to be a wheelchair. It's called (from my very bad memory) Brain Interface System for Robotic Use or something like that. So what was it actually? It's like this. The person who sits on this chair is hooked onto some stuff like probes to read their brain waves. Then once the whole setting up process is done, how it works is this. The user cannot move any part of their body, even the eyes, and needs to focus hard. If the user imagines his/her hands to move forward, then the chair moves forward. To move right or left, just imagine your hand moving in that direction and the chair follows suit.

I heard the theory, and I tried it out cause it was SO COOL. Some more right after watching Surrogates, this sort of technology awed me. Okay, I know it doesn't sound so cool with no visual and just me and my words but I'm sorry that's the best I can give you. The expo ended today. There is a video but I have to get it from my friend.

So yeah, that's it. What an awkward way to end haha. Oh yeah, Wenshan said a woman asked him if i was paralysed while I was trying out the chair cause I wasn't supposed to move anything at all and had to focus very intently.

Have a good week everyone!

lovingly He brought a new life that's free

Update! I'm actually feeling like crap right now cause my nose has been running non-stop all day, but on the bright side the sore throat is getting better! So while waiting for the medicine to kick in, I'll update this dusty blog.

I finally had my first week of class after 4 months. It's been great, I guess first weeks are always more relaxing cause lab hasn't started and it's usually introduction of topics so it's not so hardcore stuff. I say 'usually' because just when I thought first week couldn't get any more relaxing, friday morning came. And yes, it's friday and for this week only it's only going to be a 2 hour class so it couldn't get any better right?

Definitely right.

Let me tell you straight it was the craziest maths class I have ever attended, and that's saying something cause I've had my fair share of out-of-this-world maths class. That said, I still have this fondness for the lecturer, I don't know why. She's like a mum. A mum who loves maths la.

So why was it crazy? Well, the moment the clock struck 9am, she started which is great cause punctuality is the key right. Her speed was that of a bullet train I am so not kidding you, and after one hour of non-stop (I stress that it was non-stop talking and writing notes) we thought she would give us a break, cause that's usually the case. We get a 5-10 minutes break an hour into a 2 hour lecture. But no. She continued like no one's business, and so the thought of a break (and at that moment, a much needed toilet break) was gone with the wind. Usually, if a lecturer doesn't give us a break, they finish about 20-30 minutes earlier so that was a motivating thought. Guess what? She went NON-STOP until 11am.

If it were a 2 hours class of some theoretical module (which yes, i grant you, is scarce in an engineering course) then at least one's attention could wander and it wouldn't be so tiring trying to catch up. But it was maths. Not just any maths, it's called Mathematical Techniques for E&E Engineers. Which means no one else in other engineering courses share this same module. Since foundation, every student regardless of their engineering course, share the same maths module. So I've always had this one friend from mechanical engineering who had a burden to help me in maths (bless her), of which I am very thankful.

So when my attention threatens to wander in class, I tell myself I can't depend on her anymore, I've got to put in more effort! Trust me, even the world's best multi-tasker will find it hard to digest new maths equations, techniques, while trying their best to copy the notes which the lecturer (due to her huge handwriting- no complains there) erases very quickly, and at the same time try to figure out just what in the world they are copying.

Basically, to summarise, if you were to spend even 5 seconds thinking "Boy, am I hungry, I wonder what's for lunch" or "Man, I sure need to go to the toilet", you'll suffer and be lost for the rest of the class. Which explains why my notes are clean with no scribbling at the last page because i totally lost her at the last 15 minutes of the class.

Started Bible study again, had ConneXion House Opening, climbed Broga Hill, slept early, woke early, had a good week in general :) Yes, I know I used like 5 paragraphs talking bout that one maths class and one sentence to describe the rest of the week- it was that crazy!

I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday, I love how I learn a little more each week of how to worship Him from my heart, and lay my burdens down at His feet and leave them there. I love how He gives me a quiet strength to go through another week where my fears and discouragement sometimes overwhelm me. I love how He loves me, and I love how that is starting to be my ultimate motivating factor despite all that I've faced, and will face. I love how imperfect I can feel one moment, and comforted by His perfection the next moment. I love how I am nothing and yet I can do things through Him who gives me strength.

Most importantly, I really love Jesus, and that's an amazing feeling.

We love Him, because He first loved us.

1John 4:19

Haven't sang this hymn in ages, but it has been playing in my head. I hope it blesses you the way it blesses me in the worst of days.

Love Was When

Love was when God became a man,
Locked in time and space, without rank or place;
Love was God born of Jewish kin;
Just a carpenter with some fishermen;

Love was when Jesus walked in history,
Lovingly He brought a new life that's free,
Love was God nailed to bleed and die
To reach and love one such as I.

Love was when God became a man,
Down where I could see love that reached to me;
Love was God dying for my sin
And so trapped was I my whole world caved in.

Love was when Jesus met me, now it's real;
Lovingly He came, I can feel He's real!
Love was God, only He would try
To reach and love one such as I.

can i doubt His tender mercy, who through life has been my guide?

Just a short post. Blogging is really not as easy as it looks haha. So last week i spent every alternate day at the ConneXion student house in semenyih, off my university campus. In a nutshell, to enlighten you, we have a Bible study group on campus but now we're starting this student house too so we can have activities here and students can hang out. So basically this summer has been a Project Revamp.

So we were raking the grass right cause it was sooo long and if the grass cutting man (is there a better term? haha) were to rake it for us after cutting, it would cost an extra RM30 (!! yes it's a bungalow but it's not a mansion!) So we did it ourselves. It took about 4 hours spread out in 2 days.

Before raking it looks like this

you cant see it but it's actually more than an inch thick of cut grass

Then after tirelessly raking under the burning hot afternoon sun, obviously satisfaction is aplenty when we achieve this

However, one's happiness is short lived, when she looked over the fence at the neighbour's house to see this

Talk about a demotivator! Haha, but still, a cup of cold 100 plus does make up for it :)

adakah aku yang salah, atau hanya helah saja

*click to enlarge*

I miss high school life and the people:)

there is someone here inside

I am officially messed up. And i need advice on how to make this right. So, what am i talking about?

My sleeping time.

Ya i mean i obviously already knew that, cause for the last 2 months of my summer break, i have put in considerable effort to sleep as late as possible (i.e. 4am-5am). Don't blame me, it's called summer break reflex. [hint: denial]

Remember learning how if we touch a boiling kettle, our receptors in the skin sends a message to our brain to tell it that the kettle's hot and then the brain sends a message back and tells the hands to move away? And all these happens in warp speed because if it doesnt our fingers would have already turned into fried sausages by the time the message gets from the brain to our hands. And that's called reflex, which google defined as,

"An automatic instinctive unlearned reaction to a stimulus, without volition or conscious control"

So you see it's the same with my summer break reflex. 4 months of break from studies is like the boiling kettle. Spot the similarity? Okay la, maybe not the volition or conscious control part.

But i digress.

What stirred this feeling of,
"Wow, i really did mess up and i need to fix it." ?

Well, i had a long day today. After youth i stayed back for some practice and then went for a movie [ghosts of girlfriends' past, which incidentally i do not recommend (now i really have this urge to break into a song *be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little eyes what you see, for the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little eyes what you see*)]

Then of course, took the ktm home. And we all know how the ktm has a knack for causing advanced aging.

When i got home after dinner, i was really feeling sleepy (hint: shock!) so i went to bed at about 10pm. I was very happy cause i mean c'mon, i usually only feel sleepy in the range of 3.30am. So i slept. And guess what?

I woke at bout 11.45pm and just couldnt go back to sleep anymore. I felt wide awake! I was like what? No! I mean isn't there like this rule when you feel sleepy AT NIGHT you automatically sleep soundly all night?! After tossing and turning and trying to go back to sleep in total total vain-ness (okay that was very grammatically wrong i think, but i really wanna get a message across haha. i meant to say 'in vain' in case you did not understand), i gave up and here i am.

Although my body and i are not really on speaking terms right now (cause it refuses to help me out when i ask it to just go to sleep), i got a feeling we're just waiting for 4am to come.

Oh, it's only 2.18am.


I think i'll go read a book.

can't help but think that this is wrong

I'm not a fan of lady gaga. But when i first heard her song Poker Face, the really upbeat one, i thought "hey, this is something." It's a nice song, but it's just not done you know? Then i heard her acoustic version, the one she did on american idol i think, and i was like, "well, we're getting somewhere, this is definitely better." A lotta people beg to disagree with me when i say that.

Guess what? I finally discovered a justified version of that song.





Be back soon with more than just a video (my first too!) update. In the meantime, i'm off to work on those acoustic guitar playing skills in hope that i can be half the musician jason mraz is.

it's my only hope of heaven, at the cross forgiven

Adore09's Blogaway contest officially starts today! All you gotta do is write a post on your blog on A Generation Of HOPE, in anyway you want to, and send your URL to team.adore@gmail.com . Prizes up for grabs at Adore itself!

So, as an example, i'm posting my version on my blog. Details about Adore09 are as follow:

Date : 22nd August 2009
Venue : Main Sanctuary, KL Baptist Church
Time : ADORE09 Bash (4:00pm – 7:30pm)
Concert (7:30pm – 10:00pm)

...............................................................................................................................

The most obvious (and necessary) question to ask is,

What is HOPE?

When you're stuck in a traffic jam,

there is HOPE that the end is just around the bend (although you've been telling yourself that

10 bends ago)

When you hit snooze for the 5th time in the morning,

you HOPE that you will hear your favourite ringtone (in my case, mighty morphin power rangers :P) and get notice that class is cancelled for the day!

When you break your curfew,

you HOPE that miraculously the clock in your house lagged for just that 15 minutes.

When you step on the weighing scale,

you HOPE that somehow all the calories you so gluttonly consumed in the past week sunk with the Titanic. (yes, i am guilty as charged)

When you got news that Michael Jackson died,

you HOPED that it was just a publicity idea gone a little too far. (did you?)

When my grandad was diagnosed with final stage cancer, i HOPED that God is gracious and gives that extra one year so he can at least see my sister graduate, like he always wanted to.

Yes, we are a generation of hope. But is this what real hope is? An uncertainty we bank on, which if it happens, great. If not, well too bad. I'll try again next time.

If this is hope, it isn't much different from what people call chance, luck. I don't know about you, but i am not content with that. Thank God real hope is so much more.

Do you know what is hope?

HOPE is when you wake up in the morning knowing that God is going before you through your day in everything you do.

HOPE is when you face rejection of any kind, you know that there is One who accepts and loves you unconditionally.

*plays Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" in the background*

HOPE is when you had a bad day, you go to bed in peace, knowing His mercies are new every morning.

HOPE is when you fear, you know that He never leaves, He never forsakes us.

HOPE is when the future lies unknown, you know that He has plans to prosper us, not to harm us.

HOPE is when we don't understand why we're going through what we're going through, but rest secure in the knowledge that all things work for the good of those who love Him.

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HOPE is when you know your granddad is going to leave this earth soon, and even if God doesn't prolong his life, you know that it isn't goodbye, that you will one day be reunited with him again in heaven.

Hope is a promise in the face of uncertainties, trials, weaknessess, fear, loneliness... even death. It gives courage to overcome. Because of God.

Are you confused or lost? Do you find yourself hoping against all hopes but always being let down? We may be a generation of many false, make believe hopes. It's time to get our facts right.

JESUS is the real HOPE.

And if we choose to believe in Him, then we will learn and experience what it means to be a real

Generation of HOPE.

a thousand times i've failed, still Your mercy remains

The title of this blogpost is how i've been feeling a lot lately.

I am such a sinner, making the same mistakes that affect others, displeasing Him over and over and over again. God's mercy spares me from the worse that could happen, and His grace lavishes me with blessings that not only do i not deserve, sometimes, i am afraid to receive.

Titus 2:11 speaks of the grace of God that we are soaked in. David Crowder in their new single, puts it accurately when they said 'if grace were an ocean we're all sinking'.

I have been feeling extremely unworthy lately. Unworthy of God's grace. Don't get me wrong. Yes, this is exactly the feeling that should live with us. 'Cause in fact, we are unworthy of anything from God. The very faith that we have is a gift (Eph 2:8). But of course this realisation of unworthiness, instead of drowning us in helplessness forever, should be channelled accordingly towards the way we live our lives, because we are not hopeless people. It should shine through every one of our actions, knowing we deserve nothing from Him who gave everything, all the more we should urgently live for Him.

Everthing i have is unmerited. Boy, that sure is a big blow to my ego. Sometimes i wonder where human pride comes from. Where my pride comes from. To know i am worth nothing. It must all have been built on lies. Lies that are refined until they resemble the truth. Told so often, that i myself start believing, hey, i am something of worth on my own.

I fear God. Revelations 8 talks about what happens when God's grace is taken away, and that scares me. To know that it is only the layer of God's grace that is shielding me from His own wrath. What's more, it isn't a thin layer. Such irony, the very thing that strikes fear in me, is the same thing that comforts me.


Our God is an awesome God.