love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for

I'm gonna turn 20, at the end of this year, God willing. I guess i'm at this phase where i have a lot of uncertainties about love. And the unknown future is constantly playing in my mind. Whatever phase we're in, this song is either a lesson, or a reminder. Read every word. Each word speaks.

Love is Not A Fight - Warren Barfield

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we answer in
Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for

life's a climb, but the view's beautiful

WARNING : Personally Experienced Cliche Post Ahead !

In an effort to fully utilise the time Jon has left in Malaysia with us (2 weeks! :(), we planned a day out that was slightly different than usual (i.e. no movies)

So it was laid out, we would go to my uni to play some badminton, go for lunch in broga (at first wanna eat pan mee, but because of the weather, change plans ate at an air conditioned place haha) and climb up broga hill (apparently it's also known as bukit lalang, but among my university friends, it's fondly known as broga hill.) After the first climb, joseph and i actually went up once more in the evening this time with hannah and waifong.

Prior to yesterday, i have never been up there. My uni mates have planned countless trips up there but i always did not make it. But i have seen pictures of the top on facebook. I tried going up with alvin rachel and joseph but we didnt make it to the top cause it was really impromptu and rachel was really tired after a long day of badminton. Plus, i wasn't sure if i was taking them the right way haha.

So back to the present (then), we (jon, faye and joseph) started climbing. It was uphill all the way so obviously it took a toll on us despite it apparently being a 'very easy hill' haha. But we just kept going. The other day with alvin and rachel, joseph and i got a glimpse of the peak when we went slightly further to scout how much more there is to go. And that measly preview was enough to make me wanna get to the top this time, no matter what.

It took a surprisingly short time. In about 20 minutes we got to the foot of the peak, i hope you get what i mean haha. This climb to the peak was the toughest of the whole climb. It was a clear picture of the phrase 'So near, yet so far'. The peak was just there, within our reach, and the route there seems so short! But it was steep, and every step takes much effort.

I am reading this book jeremy lent me, by Michael W. Smith titled It's Time To Be Bold. And there's this one chapter devoted to Christian friends, and it says - You'll Never Make It Alone.

How true is that? We need each other in life. Friends are a gift from God. Just like we needed each other's encouragement to continue the climb, we need each other to help face life.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

C.G. Jung

SO, we got there to the top, and i know it was an easy hill yada yada but the feeling to get there to the top and see it for myself (after many pictures from facebook, and one unfinished attempt) is one of slight overwhelmation (if there is such a word). Especially with so many things happening lately, it was hard not to use it as an analogy to life, now more than ever.

Yeah, everyone know life's a climb, cause no one is exempt from it. I have seen and am seeing so many people (including me!) questioning LIFE in general. When you pick someone's mind, ultimately, what's stirring in it is- life. The fragility of life gives and takes hope from everyone, and those who do not know Christ struggle with questions that may never be answered.

No, we Christians are not exempt from these questions. But one thing we have- is a goal. A final destination. Like the mountain, the peak is the goal. It gets tough, the desire to give up is a surety waiting to happen. Sometimes we get so burnt out, the peak just doesnt seem as inviting anymore.

Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31

Waiting is really hard. Case in point, i am waiting for my exam results now which i will get on monday. It's inside torture.

We wait for the ktm (!), we wait for that promotion that doesnt seem to be coming, we wait for that life partner God is preparing, we wait for God to show us that ONE thing in life we are seeking so badly. We wait for answers.

From much (dreadful) experience with ktm, one good thing that comes out of it, is my patience is built. Waiting builds character. In the time we wait, we come to the realisation that the Lord is the only One who can handle the situation we are in and our faith grows.

Fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. That gives us strength to carry on till we complete the race.

I want God's will to be done in my life, so i must learn to wait. And you know what?

It's not such a bad thing after all.

Thank You, Lord

Thank You Lord

for the trials that come my way

in that way I can grow each day

as I let You lead

and I thank You lord

for the patience those trials bring

in the process of growing

i can learn to care

but it goes against the way i am

to put my human nature down

and let the Spirit take control of all i do

cause when those trials come

my human nature shouts the things to do

and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored

i thank You Lord

with each trial i feel inside

that You're there to help lead and guide

my way from wrong

cause You promised Lord

that with ev'ry testing

that Your way of escaping is easier to bear

i thank you Lord

for the vict'ry that growing brings

in surrender of ev'rything

life is so worthwhile

and i thank You Lord

that when ev'rthing's put in place

out in front i can see Your face

and it's there You belong

on the outside shying away, on the inside dying to say

Dear God,

I have a lot of questions for You. But right now there's just one that's bugging me.

Is there a line between hypocrisy and ignorance? How do i figure that out? Or maybe it just isnt my responsibility to distinguish between them. How do i act? Maybe 'act' is a bad choice of words. What should i do?

You've been really good to me. Closer than ever, even when i tend to stray further. You answer a lot of my prayers really quickly, though not all with answers that i'd prefer. But You are God, after all.

You taught me SO much in such a short span of time, and just when i think i've had enough and need a break from learning, You tell me learning is for life, and i dont get a break. You push me gently, to my limits, only to reveal my weaknesses. But there, You reveal Your power. You humble me, because i am always too proud, and You remind me again and again, You are all i need.

Everyday is a surprise with You, i never know what You would bring me through each new day. I've learnt to accept that, perhaps not as gracefully as i should, but again i guess that's learning.

People are my strength, people are my weakness. The fears that follow me are like the thorn in Paul's flesh. It feels like a thorn in mine. I'd never be able to understand why i have to live with these fears, or maybe, it's just not the time.

I've made mistakes along the way, some i'm glad i did. Some, i just look back in regret wishing, really wishing i could time travel and just get a chance to relive those moments. (still wishing, i know with You all things are possible!) But i guess all these moments are the ones that make me who i am, or maybe, going to make me who you want me to be.

Am i happy? Yes Jesus, I am happy, right here right now, and eternally grateful for all that You've done with me, and all that You will do. But i want more. I want this joy to stem from eternal sources, not earthly ones. I want all these struggles that pop up and punctuate my joy be worth something in my life later. I want to be a better person. I dont want to take sides. The only side i'm on, is Yours.

I guess all i'm trying to say is-

I need You. But You already know that.

So, thank You.